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Below are 20 journal entries, after skipping by the 20 most recent ones recorded in
Estella's LiveJournal:
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| Tuesday, July 8th, 2008 | | 11:42 pm |
| | 2:54 pm |
Back from IMH
Since yesterday. I went to Ilham's house because he said the next day (today), he would follow me to the SPCA to buy a kitten. I stayed up the whole night cause I was on overdose of benzhexol... I think I took 8. And in the morning, he told me that he wasnt going to go with me. He gave me $10 at first to go back home by myself, but I asked him for small change. He took the $10 back, gave me some coins and $2. So I went home. I took a bathe yesterday. I think Ill start bathing everyday.... If only I could go to the hotel everyday. Today, I was back at clementi at around 9AM. I sat at the Clementi Central coffee shop with some guys. It rained heavily so I had to stay there for a while. Then I went back to the coffee shop at 407 and waited for Jamil. He brought me to some part in Jurong. He said he was going to play chess with a group of people, but I only saw him playing with Eddy. So I went home. Here I am. Just took medicine and I think its going to make me fall asleep, but all the better. I keep hearing voices without the medicine. It has no side effects so I think Ill continue taking it. Im going to find a job tomorrow. | | Tuesday, May 13th, 2008 | | 3:24 am |
Ive had enough
Before I grow mad, I better just keep my mouth shut, and go back to doing things my own way. I cant take it anymore. This is wrong, that is wrong, so what am I supposed to do? Thats right, Ill do nothing. And now I dont know what the FUCK Im talking about. Sigh.... I guess Ill just stop talking about crap, and go back to normal. Say bye bye to crazy Selina. LOL. See ya. | | Thursday, May 8th, 2008 | | 12:44 am |
Went out with Khai
We went to play pool at East Coast. 3 rounds. I got a Big Gulp at 7-11. Then we went to play. It was a stupid game cause noone won for real. It was all luck. He kept shooting the wrong ball, and I kept shooting the wrong ball, and thats how we won. LOL. Then we went to McDonalds. He bought me a Fish burger. Later we took a drive to West Coast. He adjusted his seat and lied down, while I ate the fish burger, and took a smoke. Then I started getting sleepy as well. Then we drove off. He sent me back home. That is all. Hes quite a cute looking guy. Too bad hes not very caring. | | Tuesday, May 6th, 2008 | | 10:07 pm |
| | 9:57 pm |
Went out with a guy
He was sweet. He brought me to some plaza place and we ate sandwiches at this sandwich place. And then he had to rush me home. Chicken. Hehe. Wish I could remember his name but I have such a bad memory. He was a nice guy. I wish we could have gotten to know each other a little better. I hope he will call me soon again. | | 2:54 pm |
What kind of girl are you?
Take the quiz and learn what kind of girl you are! http://widgets.friendster.com/whatgirlquiz/test.php Goddess As a goddess your radiance blinds men. You wield absolute power over them, and enjoy it. They are toys for your amusement! Let them kiss your feet and grovel! | | | \/ Hm....OK. How come no men ever asks me out then? Let me rephrase that. How come no ATTRACTIVE men ever asks me out if Im so radiating? ---- Are You a Good Person? http://widgets.friendster.com/gpquiz/test.phpCute Cute people are highly suspicious! Because you're cute, people naturally trust you. That trust, however, may be misplaced. Often a cute demeanor is merely the cover for a nefarious person. | | | \/ I guess that is correct. ---- Find out how you will die! http://widgets.friendster.com/howdiequiz/result.phpFire Accident, arson, there are many causes for fires. One of these causes will lead to your eventual death. You will share the fate of such greats as Joan of Arc, and heretics throughout the ages! | | | \/ Great. I die of exactly what Im most afraid of. PAIN. I heard this is the most painful way to go. :'( WAIT A SEC. NONO. Im not afraid of dying from pain. Im just simply afraid of pain. I dont know anything about dying. All I know is that fire is the most painful way to go. ---- Find out if you're actually gay! http://widgets.friendster.com/thegayquiz/test.phpGay You're gay. Not that there is anything wrong with that! You like pink, and rainbows, and Judy Garland. | | | \/ I think I took the wrong quiz or something. Maybe I should have looked for a lesbian quiz. Sigh. Im out. | | Monday, May 5th, 2008 | | 7:15 pm |
I had a terrible nightmare today
It was about the world. It was tilted so much, and just like in the titanic, people were slipping off it. I was making it worse, so bad til the world turned almost vertical and people had to... find trees or sit on houses.... which I have already learnt. I woke up right before I lost my grip and plummeted towards the sun. It was really scary, and now Im feeling kinda weird cause I have a feeling like my dream has some essense of truth in it. I thought all I had to do was make fun of the way the world flaps.... I didnt know it had to be this scary cause after all, Singapore is in the middle. Why do WE have to feel the earth moving? I also had another spooky nightmare, an almost similar copy of a nightmare I had before, but this time it stopped right before it came to the scary part. Something about having a scary baby or hamster baby in my womb, and if I found its head and 'cut it off', the whole world will die without air or something like that. Some kind of air pollution. I remember this lady lying on the hospital or laboratory bed with an oxygen mask and some kind of acid in the air in my previous nightmare, or maybe that was me. I feel so sick now. My heads all aching. Sigh.... | | 8:20 am |
Stop dreaming
If you all are still reminising (However the fuck you spell that) about how I was in the past, you all better keep dreaming, cause Im not that perfect lil kid anymore. Im not smart anymore. Im not creative anymore. I cant draw anymore. I cant write poetry anymore. I cant impress anymore. Im not pretty, cute, nor sexy anymore. I dont have anymore hobbies except sitting at the coffee shop and smoking my life away. Just accept it. Stop whining and groaning about me being an NUS student and never getting anywhere, and then making excuses that Im a slut. ACCEPT IT. Ill never EVER be that same lil girl ever EVER again. OK, just let me die off. And you know what, you all can blame ME for it. | | 6:21 am |
Nothing significant happened today
I woke up around 12PM. Played the internet. Then later on in the evening, I called Is, but he wasnt interested in going out with me. I went to top up my HP. Then I went downstairs and met a new girl, whatever her name is. Went to 7-11 to get a Big Gulp. I heard its the in thing now. YEAH YOU CAN STEAL FROM ME, WHY CANT I STEAL FROM YOU. Thats all. | | Saturday, May 3rd, 2008 | | 10:40 pm |
I feel rotten
I cant find any friends. James Blunt is coming to Singapore soon yet I cant find any girlfriends to go with me. Would anyone out there who likes James Blunt like to go with me to his concert? Im so so tired of looking for friends on MIRC. Where do you guys normally go to look for friends? I also seriously need to find more money, and the sad thing is I dont know why cause in my books I already have so much. Sigh.... *goes away dreaming of going to James Blunt's concert* | | 5:13 pm |
Crazier and crazier
Yesterday I spent the day running away from spirits. So I went to the mosque as my only resort, but this Indian man recognised who I was and chased me away. I think hes crazy. An Indian angel helped me.... I wish I could tell you the story but its REALLY REALLY scary. Sorry, contain your curiousities. | | Friday, May 2nd, 2008 | | 1:36 pm |
Im still not done
I also got fired from both my tuition assignments. I went all the way to that Japanese girls house and waited there endlessly. So I realised I should just call the agency. They told me that the mother didnt want me to teach her daughter tuition anymore! WTF! Then whats up with making me travel all the way there for nothing? So they told me they'd compensate me with $30. (Im only supposed to get $15) And with the Indian family, it was worse. She told me that she was the Queen of everything, and that Indian girls didnt go to school anymore. Indian boys went to 'Milk school'? She was the 'teacher' of a group that learnt English and Math from her. I dont know what she could gain out of me, cause all she was doing was taking all the ways of my teaching, yeah through my 'only one'. Now because of her, I cant teach students anymore (Be a tuition teacher anymore) because all my teachings are lost! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRR. And then the mother purposely gave me an invalid check so I would spend all my time and effort (;)) walking all the way to the bank only to find out that it was useless. Then waste my money calling her, asking her for my pay again, only for her to give me another lie. She better have done what she said, and deposited that cheque into my bank account. BITCH. (Hehe, sorry, someTHINGS bothering me) | | Thursday, May 1st, 2008 | | 7:11 pm |
My crazy life
Im back. My father didnt pay the internet bill so I have been waiting for him to pay it, but how long can I wait? So yesterday I went to the POS office and paid the bill myself. $170. Sigh.... What have I been doing? Absolutely nothing except sitting at the coffee shop, eating a single meal, drinking many drinks, and smoking my life away... A pack a day. Its that bad. Then after that, I play games with my head and learn about stupid believes, like The King of everything, The Queen of everything, male and female angels, the King of shit, people, The King of link/change, The God everything, satans, The God of know everything (which is supposedly supposed to be me), God, aliens, the way the world moves/flaps/twirls/curls, the moons, the suns, the black hole, the ozone layer, shakira, the 'world' outside this 'world' (The other planets). Thats about it. A few days ago, a boy beat me up, so I called the police and they took a statement. Im still waiting for a few more days when I can call them and ask whats going on with the investigation. It was really terrible. He slapped me, pushed me, punched me, hit me, kicked me, and when I was sitting down to call the police, the kicked me from the back till my HP flew out of my hands. Luckily it didnt break or I would kill him myself. Also I learnt that the police are everywhere I go, know every movement I make, and inform the people around me to do as they say to irritate me. There is also a cult and Jamil is the cult 'leader'. I think the real cult leader is Is's father but Im not so sure. So anything that goes into the cult cant come back to ourselves. I lost my important diary yesterday. It had all my memories, important phone numbers, important bills, code, account and pin numbers. I hope my money doesnt get stolen from the bank. I think Ill go there tomorrow since I just got my pay yesterday from the Coffee Coneisure. -Deposit pay into bank -Check to see if Mrs. Chandra has deposited my tuition pay into the bank -Wait to receive $30 from the tuition agency by mail. | | Thursday, April 3rd, 2008 | | 1:43 am |
I learnt a lot of things today
At Jamils house. I sat at his house, ate maggi mee as usual, smoke lots of cigarettes that looked like beedees, and watched American Idol. Now I feel so listless, so Im going to look for customers. When am I going to Radha enterprise to collect my pay? I get up so late everyday that I know I just cant make it in time before the office closes. And tomorrow I have a tuition assignment. I got fired from my 2nd tuition assignment and the agency didnt tell me. I went all the way down there and they either werent at home or wouldnt open the door for me, so I called the tuition agency angry but she said shed pay me for the whole 1 1/2 hours for the first day so alls good now. | | Wednesday, April 2nd, 2008 | | 4:13 am |
Opps, Ive gone mad
I wont hear it. Lalala. Unless its coming from James Blunt. LOL.. whatever so I got a dead mother living at the back of my head... Life goes on, eventhough there are pathetic people out there who pretend not to know who I am, and insult me all the way cause I cant blend into society or whatever. Went out with Tom and Nick. They are two pretty nice guys. We went to West Coast park, got a drink from McDonalds. Tom got a chocolate milk shake, Nick got a strawberry milk shake, and I got a cafe latte. LOL...............Then we went to Kent RIdge park, and sat at the top where there were benches and tables but there was an irritating couple bitch and bastard there so we went somewhere else. I thought there was a lake there but I was wrong. Its at some other park, so we walked all the way to the middle for nothing. We sat there, while I played Nick's playstation and drank our drinks! My voice is changing. I think I got a frog in my throat. :P Then Nick said he wanted to go swimming so we went to another place but it was too dark and the path lead down a jungle path. Nick kept trying to scare me, asking me 'Arent you scared? Arent you scared?' So I told him 'What could I possibly be scared of? You guys raping me? Spiders? Pontianak?' So he told me hed bring me to a cemetary. LOL... then all the way while he was driving I kept seeing our vehicle hit pontianaks down the road LOL. Cause I just watched that ghost movie... shiver or whatever. Its a sucky story but it was quite scary... especially when that dead woman opened her eyes...so big ... it was scary. HAHA, hes got a dead woman living on his shoulders, and Ive got a dead mother living at the back of my head. Somehow I think the director of that movie got some inspiration from my life story. HAHA. Then we sat in the van, somewhere else after stopping by a 7-11 to buy a sandwich and drink for Nick, and played truth or dare but with Chi Ko Pah. I won several times and he won several times. I kept asking him to kiss Tom but Tom decided that he might as well just kiss me LOL... and Nick asked me to french kiss him, and the next time for a grope and to french kiss him. :P :p :P :p, and the next time for a grope under my top while french kissing him.. thats where I drew the line. Then I went to piss for the second time.. LOL... the first time, I walked all the way down a flight of steps with them, and then a stretch of road and then all the way back up, just to get to the toilet, and by the time we were there, we were all sweating like mad when there was a short staircase that lead us all back to the van in like 3 minutes walking distance. LOL..... Tom was sweating so badly... HAHAHAHA. Then we all went home. | | Tuesday, April 1st, 2008 | | 5:50 am |
Crazy rant again
From what Ive learnt. I dont think Ive actually said it out here on the blog, so let me tell you what exactly Ive learnt from IMH...fuck it. The world is upside down, and we're all hanging from it. Its flat but maybe its put on some weight cause I heard the world is spinning round and round but not in the same motion as we were all made to believe. There are magnets in my head that keep the world stable. Hm... maybe it is spinning round and round but its flat....! Glass can talk. So can the trees and thats how we 'communicate' as humans. We 'borrow' from the trees. The walls dont hold us up, since its hanging upside down, 'gravity' does. We give the walls 'strength'. I feel like puking again.... when will this all end? Heaven is hell and hell is heaven. We all wear crowns on our head, so we can talk to trees LOL... (opps insulted one of them...) This world is made out of satans, angels, aliens, gods, people (opps LOL)...etc etc. I luv James blunt. LOL. ....Oh I get it now? I was sitting at the coffee shop playing with poker cards, and with all kinds of pain...spiders, world hanging upside down, world unbalanced, cant breathe, cant hear stupid babies.... oh crap. Im not going to start with the babies crap where they are all inside me all over the place. I prefer to just stick to the scary stuff....that plays with the head... but maybe theres a scary baby in my head too HAHAHA, or maybe its dead cause its heart beat the same as mine and exploded or its memory went into mine or whatever. Im sure they are all dead....or maybe people are keeping some alive till the next time I go into the hospital. Cant wait to get a house of my own..... so the whole world can die LOL. I dont want to be like my mother and have my thought never die.... Id have to wake up every 5 seconds. Its torturous. No peace. But I havent done anything wrong. So its all good. | | 5:28 am |
I feel like vomiting
Why do I have a face at the back of my head? Who is my dead mother who isnt dead? Im so frigging scared. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Why is my head consistently empty? Just got done with another customer. Whoopi, but I am scared and I have noone to console me. I think Im starting to go crazy again. | | Monday, March 31st, 2008 | | 6:24 pm |
Worst day of my life
Was out with Zamil yesterday. It was like going out with my fucked in the head mother. He kept insulting me and irritating me and using me non stop. I especially hate how everytime I accidentally touch him, I have to pay by him persistently touching me until Im irritated. Mother fucker. And he kept making me feel sad by feeling like nothing more than a stupid useless female meant for satistying the male species. He kept asking people to insult me like a stupid respectless bitch when hes angry cause he cannot make a proper sentence without sounding like a moron in the end. Is that my freaking fault? And further more because of that, he keeps talking to me, making me head pain trying to break my head shame all the time, saying its better so I wont have to insult him everytime he has that leaving problem. Thats the last time Im ever seeing him, I swear. Unless I need to use him to rent my new house. | | Friday, March 28th, 2008 | | 1:05 am |
Idiot brought me out just to feel me up
I thought we were going to a pub. I should have chosen one of the other guys than this moron. He brought me to eat cheese prata, then to Seletar reservoir where he proceeded to feel me up and hump me and talk endlessly about sex with his fling, and when I asked him when we were going to the pub, he said he no longer had the mood and brought me home. Fucker. Just came home from teaching 2 tuition classes. I got another assignment yesterday. Yay, now I can earn $300 a month. Hooray. I figure I need at least 10 students before I can earn a decent $2000. BTW I found $500 under my scanner!!! Where did it come from? Wooohooooo!!!! |
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